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#226 2024-02-09 23:50:57

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

Seen on the license plate of a Volkswagen Beetle: FEATURE.
🤣

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#227 2024-02-10 20:08:36

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

It really makes me sick that viruses and bacteria invade my body without my permission...

tongue

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#228 2024-02-11 02:03:52

GlennW
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From: Brisbane, Australia
Registered: 2019-07-18
Posts: 613  

Re: The Joke Thread

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

It really makes me sick that viruses and bacteria invade my body without my permission...

I just did a short 3 week program to rid my body of an unknown virus...
Getting an appointment at the GP was going to be a 10 to 21 day wait!
<edit>

I was getting night sweats quite a bit since covid shots

</edit>
I went to a hospital casualty dept, and they ran some tests, cov2 and flu. they didn't know what was the problem (I wanted a dose of antibiotics...wrong!)

I had/have a back injury, the chiro did a test using Kinesiology(spelling?) and she said my body was riddled with virii.

I used raw garlic 3 times a day, 1 hour outside meal times (no sugars, no digestive acids... very important)

Chew the garlic (one clove, it's hot like chilli, makes my eyes and nose runny...) and swallow.

gets into our lymphatic system through the mouth, and into the blood system through the intestine (2 pronged attack). Kills virii.

I've done this a few times now, I used to get hay-fever that led to bronchitis, went away for 15 years. It really worked for me without trying to kill my immune and digestive systems.

it's cheaper on the pocket too. Raw and fresh, not pills, not pickled, not cooked (make us stink!)

ymmv.

I hope this helps.

Last edited by GlennW (2024-02-11 02:07:39)


pic from 1993, new guitar day.

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#229 2024-02-12 11:19:36

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

Need help with diet problems? Call Over-eaters Anonymous: 888-888-8888.

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#230 2024-02-12 23:40:46

GlennW
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From: Brisbane, Australia
Registered: 2019-07-18
Posts: 613  

Re: The Joke Thread

ahahahaha! Cheers!


pic from 1993, new guitar day.

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#231 2024-02-13 05:18:17

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90° and try again.

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#232 2024-02-13 18:36:06

PedroReina
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From: Madrid, Spain
Registered: 2019-01-13
Posts: 267  
Website

Re: The Joke Thread

The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90° and try again.

Wow, this is a complex joke!

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#233 2024-02-13 22:31:23

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

Well, after all, life is complex: it consists of real and imaginary parts! big_smile

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#234 2024-02-15 16:22:07

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

Service stations have started charging customers to put air in their car's tires.

I guess it's due to inflation.

tongue

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#235 2024-02-15 16:36:09

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

@GlennW

Don't get me started on Covid vaccines...I'm worse off now (after getting them). They affected me in more ways than one...

I do know that garlic has health benefits. smile ... despite the smell they create. Hahaha!

I hope you are continuing to do better.

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#236 2024-02-15 16:37:40

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

quickfur wrote:

Need help with diet problems? Call Over-eaters Anonymous: 888-888-8888

Hahahahaha! I can't stop laughing at that!

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#237 2024-02-15 23:54:44

GlennW
Member
From: Brisbane, Australia
Registered: 2019-07-18
Posts: 613  

Re: The Joke Thread

I do know that garlic has health benefits. smile ... despite the smell they create. Hahaha!

If you are able to follow the directions, and cope with chewing raw garlic, you may be amazed with the feeling and energy increase
(via our body not having to use energy continually battling internal foreign attacks).

Like onions.., if it's digested (cooked or raw), most of the benifits (except taste) are removed AND it makes us smell.

ymmv. It won't hurt to try.


pic from 1993, new guitar day.

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#238 2024-02-16 00:16:09

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

big_smile

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#239 2024-02-16 00:19:24

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

BWAHAHAhahahahahahaha!!!

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#240 2024-02-16 00:28:27

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

GlennW wrote:

If you are able to follow the directions, and cope with chewing raw garlic, you may be amazed with the feeling and energy increase
(via our body not having to use energy continually battling internal foreign attacks).

Like onions.., if it's digested (cooked or raw), most of the benifits (except taste) are removed AND it makes us smell.

ymmv. It won't hurt to try.

You better know that I'm up for this! smile

Ima'bout to have 5 days off after tomorrow. I'll try it then...so my wife will have to put up with the smell. wink

Hahahaha! tongue

Thanks!

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#241 2024-02-16 00:42:41

golinux
Administrator
Registered: 2016-11-25
Posts: 3,233  

Re: The Joke Thread

How did garlic get into the joke thread? Do some posts need to be moved?

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#242 2024-02-16 01:45:26

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

Maybe, but I find that garlic jokes do have a certain apeel. :-P

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#243 2024-02-16 03:13:16

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

Personally, I don't think they need to be moved.

Those posts are just a quick aside.

I think the jokes still flow, but that's me. smile

Might want to check with a vampire before you make any decisions though...

tongue

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#244 2024-02-16 05:55:41

GlennW
Member
From: Brisbane, Australia
Registered: 2019-07-18
Posts: 613  

Re: The Joke Thread

What's the difference between your girlfriend, your mistress and your wife?

Your girlfriend says, "are you finished already",
your mistress says, "are you finished yet" and
your wife says, "beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige"!


pic from 1993, new guitar day.

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#245 2024-02-16 11:21:35

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

I told my friend I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.

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#246 2024-02-16 14:44:37

trinidad
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From: Waterford WI
Registered: 2022-11-15
Posts: 20  
Website

Re: The Joke Thread

My first wife was Sicilian. My second wife was Greek. People used to say our toddlers smelled like lasagna. The house smelled like an Italian restaraunt and my Borican friends always got hungry and ate leftovers while there.

TC

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#247 2024-02-16 15:17:38

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

When programming, don't write spaghetti code unless you can eat the consequences. 😉

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#248 2024-02-16 17:04:55

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

When my wife and I have a disagreement, I always get the last words in...

I say, "Yes dear."

tongue

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#249 2024-02-16 20:46:04

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey.

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#250 2024-02-16 23:09:16

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

Scientists say that the earth is round.

Sounds like circular-reasoning to me...

tongue

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