The Joke Thread

quickfur · 2024-02-09 23:50:57

Seen on the license plate of a Volkswagen Beetle: FEATURE.
🤣

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-10 20:08:36

It really makes me sick that viruses and bacteria invade my body without my permission...

GlennW · 2024-02-11 02:03:52

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
It really makes me sick that viruses and bacteria invade my body without my permission...

I just did a short 3 week program to rid my body of an unknown virus...
Getting an appointment at the GP was going to be a 10 to 21 day wait!
<edit>

I was getting night sweats quite a bit since covid shots

</edit>
I went to a hospital casualty dept, and they ran some tests, cov2 and flu. they didn't know what was the problem (I wanted a dose of antibiotics...wrong!)

I had/have a back injury, the chiro did a test using Kinesiology(spelling?) and she said my body was riddled with virii.

I used raw garlic 3 times a day, 1 hour outside meal times (no sugars, no digestive acids... very important)

Chew the garlic (one clove, it's hot like chilli, makes my eyes and nose runny...) and swallow.

gets into our lymphatic system through the mouth, and into the blood system through the intestine (2 pronged attack). Kills virii.

I've done this a few times now, I used to get hay-fever that led to bronchitis, went away for 15 years. It really worked for me without trying to kill my immune and digestive systems.

it's cheaper on the pocket too. Raw and fresh, not pills, not pickled, not cooked (make us stink!)

ymmv.

I hope this helps.

Last edited by GlennW (2024-02-11 02:07:39)

quickfur · 2024-02-12 11:19:36

Need help with diet problems? Call Over-eaters Anonymous: 888-888-8888.

GlennW · 2024-02-12 23:40:46

ahahahaha! Cheers!

quickfur · 2024-02-13 05:18:17

The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90° and try again.

PedroReina · 2024-02-13 18:36:06

The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90° and try again.

Wow, this is a complex joke!

quickfur · 2024-02-13 22:31:23

Well, after all, life is complex: it consists of real and imaginary parts!

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-15 16:22:07

Service stations have started charging customers to put air in their car's tires.

I guess it's due to inflation.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-15 16:36:09

@GlennW

Don't get me started on Covid vaccines...I'm worse off now (after getting them). They affected me in more ways than one...

I do know that garlic has health benefits. ... despite the smell they create. Hahaha!

I hope you are continuing to do better.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-15 16:37:40

quickfur wrote:

Need help with diet problems? Call Over-eaters Anonymous: 888-888-8888

Hahahahaha! I can't stop laughing at that!

GlennW · 2024-02-15 23:54:44

I do know that garlic has health benefits. smile ... despite the smell they create. Hahaha!

If you are able to follow the directions, and cope with chewing raw garlic, you may be amazed with the feeling and energy increase
(via our body not having to use energy continually battling internal foreign attacks).

Like onions.., if it's digested (cooked or raw), most of the benifits (except taste) are removed AND it makes us smell.

ymmv. It won't hurt to try.

quickfur · 2024-02-16 00:16:09

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-16 00:19:24

BWAHAHAhahahahahahaha!!!

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-16 00:28:27

GlennW wrote:

If you are able to follow the directions, and cope with chewing raw garlic, you may be amazed with the feeling and energy increase
(via our body not having to use energy continually battling internal foreign attacks).
Like onions.., if it's digested (cooked or raw), most of the benifits (except taste) are removed AND it makes us smell.
ymmv. It won't hurt to try.

You better know that I'm up for this!

Ima'bout to have 5 days off after tomorrow. I'll try it then...so my wife will have to put up with the smell.

Hahahaha!

Thanks!

golinux · 2024-02-16 00:42:41

How did garlic get into the joke thread? Do some posts need to be moved?

quickfur · 2024-02-16 01:45:26

Maybe, but I find that garlic jokes do have a certain apeel. :-P

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-16 03:13:16

Personally, I don't think they need to be moved.

Those posts are just a quick aside.

I think the jokes still flow, but that's me.

Might want to check with a vampire before you make any decisions though...

GlennW · 2024-02-16 05:55:41

What's the difference between your girlfriend, your mistress and your wife?

Your girlfriend says, "are you finished already",
your mistress says, "are you finished yet" and
your wife says, "beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige"!

quickfur · 2024-02-16 11:21:35

I told my friend I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.

trinidad · 2024-02-16 14:44:37

My first wife was Sicilian. My second wife was Greek. People used to say our toddlers smelled like lasagna. The house smelled like an Italian restaraunt and my Borican friends always got hungry and ate leftovers while there.

TC

quickfur · 2024-02-16 15:17:38

When programming, don't write spaghetti code unless you can eat the consequences. 😉

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-16 17:04:55

When my wife and I have a disagreement, I always get the last words in...

I say, "Yes dear."

quickfur · 2024-02-16 20:46:04

What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-16 23:09:16

Scientists say that the earth is round.

Sounds like circular-reasoning to me...

The officially official Devuan Forum!

#226 2024-02-09 23:50:57

Re: The Joke Thread

#227 2024-02-10 20:08:36

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#228 2024-02-11 02:03:52

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#229 2024-02-12 11:19:36

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