The Joke Thread

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-05 22:27:28

If you've never tried Archery blindfolded...

...you don't know what you're missing.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-05 22:34:05

I'm reading a horror book in braille.

Something bad is going to happen.

I can just feel it.

quickfur · 2024-09-06 12:58:55

As they say, archery has a lot of draw backs. 😆

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-06 13:27:05

My friend and I were talking, and he said that life...its purpose...its meaning is an enigma.

I said, "What? I don't understand."

moulder61 · 2024-09-06 14:16:55

A bloke misses the last train home. He decides to get a taxi for the 30 mile journey.
The taxi driver says, "Do you like riddles and puzzles?"
Bloke says, "Yeah, I don't mind. It will break up the monotony of the journey. Go for it."
Driver says, "OK, who is this person? Brothers and sisters have I none, but this man's father is my father's son."
The bloke is stumped for the whole journey. Not a clue.
When he arrives outside his home, he says to the taxi driver, "Nope, I can't work it out. Tell me."
Driver says, "It's me! Brothers and sisters have I none, but this mans father is my father's son, it has to be me, doesn't it?"
Bloke says, "Cool! I'll tell my wife when I get in. She likes riddles."
So, he goes indoors and tells his wife the riddle.
Wife thinks about it for an hour then says, "Nope, I give up. Who is it?"
Bloke says, "It's the taxi driver that brought me home!"

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-06 19:23:34

Hahahaha!

quickfur · 2024-09-06 19:49:10

As a meteorologist once asked, what's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis!

golinux · 2024-09-06 20:38:45

Please note that I am no longer reading this thread. It is a wound of perpetual adolescence that festers and never heals. If things get out of hand and if there are any adults in the room, please call in a mod to deal with it . . . Thanks for all the fish . . . not . . .

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-06 21:13:24

golinux wrote:

Please note that I am no longer reading this thread.

You know you're still going to read it.

It's like driving. You see a wreck, or you see someone pulled over by the police.

You can't help yourself. You have to stop and stare...and wonder what's going on.

It is a wound of perpetual adolescence

I was an adolescent once, but those days are behind me.

If you respond to this, I'll know you continued reading the thread...

Tee hee...

quickfur · 2024-09-06 21:34:01

Do you know that kid who seems to be persisting in adolescence far beyond previously known limits?

His name was Constantine.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-06 21:35:19

...and even if you don't respond, I'll know you read it.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-06 21:42:34

Here's one just for golinux...

Q. What do computers snack on?

A. Microchips.

moulder61 · 2024-09-07 14:32:57

Three grandmothers are chatting about getting old.
First one says, "Sometimes I'm standing by the fridge with the door open and I can't remember if I was just going to get something out or put something back?"
Second one says, "Well, sometimes I'm at the top of the stairs and I can't remember if I just came up or was about to go back down?"
Third one says, "I'm lucky, I'm not having any of those issues, touch wood."
She knocks on the table then says, "Hang on, there's someone at the door."

rbit · 2024-09-07 22:56:45

A man was injured by an explosion that blew off his left side.

Don't worry, he's all right.

quickfur · 2024-09-08 03:22:46

Don't worry, he's all right.

Yes, he's all right. But what about the rest of him?

Well, that's all that's left...

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-08 04:16:56

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quickfur · 2024-09-09 16:02:18

Whereas I'm sighlently correcting my grandma...

oops, wrong thread.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-09 18:05:56

I was sitting in traffic yesterday.

I guess that's why I was run over.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-09 18:19:45

I was talking with my grandfather the other day.

He said that he had finally gotten a computer and got the router hooked up for internet.

I asked him if he had any issues.

He said, "It still isn't working. I can't figure out a password."

I asked him why?

He said, "Well, the password was asking for at least eight characters, a number, a capital, and a period. So, I entered Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Cinderella, Dopey, The Road Runner, Bugs Bunny, Wile E. Coyote, Betty Boop, four million, Beijing, and The Renaissance."

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2024-09-09 18:25:00)

quickfur · 2024-09-09 20:41:17

Whenever my granpa goes to a Mexican store, he always likes to wear a sombrero and pretend he's Mexican.

It's how he gets his señor discount.

moulder61 · 2024-09-09 21:28:49

When I was at school the teacher asked me to name 5 animals from Africa, so I said, "4 monkeys and a lion, miss?"

zapper · 2024-09-10 01:13:54

@golinux I have also gotten bored of this thread too. Did like, 10+ pages ago. I mostly just look to see if anyone like yourself is getting bored. I find this entertaining dont ask why.

Last edited by zapper (2024-09-10 01:14:51)

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-11 23:20:26

My wife said that she was tired of my obsession with optical illusions and insisted that I stop.

I said, "Wait. You're seeing this all wrong. It's not what you think it is."

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2024-09-11 23:24:25)

quickfur · 2024-09-12 02:35:01

I agree, it's totally not what you think it is:

That's 4 perfect circles, BTW. There are no spirals here except in your head. Yes, just because it's a conspiracy theory doesn't mean they're not out to get you!

bilhook · 2024-09-12 08:00:29

A weasel walks into a pub, what can I get you asks the barmaid, pop goes the weasel.

The officially official Devuan Forum!

#676 2024-09-05 22:27:28

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