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zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 907  

Re: The Joke Thread

Why did SNL have Will Ferrel as a cast member?

Because they wanted a talking cat.

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igorzwx

Member

Registered: 2024-05-06

Posts: 92  

Re: The Joke Thread

Professor: My students seem to be extremely stupid. They cannot understand FFT. I made many attempts to explain it in different ways. I have already understood it myself, and they still do not understand anything.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 314  

Re: The Joke Thread

Does it bother me when people answer their own questions?

Yes, it does.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 318  

Re: The Joke Thread

Why ask rhetorical questions?

soren

Member

Registered: 2023-04-30

Posts: 128  

Re: The Joke Thread

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please”.

...............................

The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

Last edited by soren (2024-06-12 09:25:17)

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 318  

Re: The Joke Thread

Roman numerals are difficult; but when you get to 159, it just CLIX!

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 318  

Re: The Joke Thread

How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None; they just tell the light bulb to do it!

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 314  

Re: The Joke Thread

Yesterday, my son called me "old man" to impress his friends.

I laughed with them.

Then, I changed the wifi password.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 314  

Re: The Joke Thread

The word "incorrectly" is spelled incorrectly.

igorzwx

Member

Registered: 2024-05-06

Posts: 92  

Re: The Joke Thread

Many things are incomprehensible to us not because our comprehension is weak, but because those things are not within the frames of our comprehension.
Kozma Prutkov. Fruits of Reflection (1853-1854).

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 318  

Re: The Joke Thread

Kid 1: How do you spell "wrong"?
Kid 2: R-O-N-G.
Kid 1: No, that's wrong.
Kid 2: No, it's right because I spelled wrong!

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 314  

Re: The Joke Thread

My wife asked if I would put Brown Mustard on the shopping list.

Now, I can't read anything on it.

igorzwx

Member

Registered: 2024-05-06

Posts: 92  

Re: The Joke Thread

Teacher: How much is two times two?
Student: Are we buying or selling?

Last edited by igorzwx (2024-06-13 16:01:59)

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 318  

Re: The Joke Thread

Question: How many guacas are in 1 guacamole?

Answer: 6.022×10²³, also known as Avocado's Number.

🤣

igorzwx

Member

Registered: 2024-05-06

Posts: 92  

Re: The Joke Thread

- I want to go to Paris again.
- Have you already been to Paris?
- Not yet. But I already wanted.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 318  

Re: The Joke Thread

Bare foot: (n.) A device for locating thumb tack on the floor.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 314  

Re: The Joke Thread

I have 3 unwritten rules that I live by...

1.
2.
3.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 318  

Re: The Joke Thread

Shin: (n.) A device for finding furniture in the dark.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 318  

Re: The Joke Thread

The two rules of success:

1) Don't tell everything that you know.

igorzwx

Member

Registered: 2024-05-06

Posts: 92  

Re: The Joke Thread

Knowledge you could hardly make people happy, and ignorance makes freedom possible. When slaves do not know that freedom exists, they may feel free. For example, the slaves of PulseAudio might be perfectly happy with PipeWire.

Last edited by igorzwx (2024-06-15 08:46:40)

aluma

Member

Registered: 2022-10-26

Posts: 645  

Re: The Joke Thread

When in a country a phone SIM card is only by passport, registration on the forum is only by phone number and one dictator for more than 20 years,  it’s time to console yourself with the freedom of ALSA

Last edited by aluma (2024-06-15 11:34:06)

igorzwx

Member

Registered: 2024-05-06

Posts: 92  

Re: The Joke Thread

I may agree, ignorance does make people free.

golinux

Administrator

Registered: 2016-11-25

Posts: 3,240  

Re: The Joke Thread

I thought this was the joke thread . . .

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igorzwx

Member

Registered: 2024-05-06

Posts: 92  

Re: The Joke Thread

I also thought that is a joke, or at least a great philosophical discovery

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 318  

Re: The Joke Thread

Philosophy is the culmination of the process of knowing less and less about more and more. Eventually, you know nothing about everything.

Science, OTOH, is the quest to know more and more about less and less. Eventually, you know everything about nothing.