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zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 967  

Re: The Joke Thread

@quickfur

I make period jokes to people with puns like when I see an opening, so when I say you are really good at this, I mean you really ARE!

You don't need any jumpstart at all to do this, do you...

Not even someone saying something...

Lord...

---

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If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
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quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

I'd butter not tell you my secret, cuz if my boss finds out I've been loafing around, I'd be toast!

Although as they say, no pain, no grain, so maybe he would at yeast excuse the bread puns.

Last edited by quickfur (2024-05-10 04:41:14)

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

I made a chicken salad yesterday.

Turns out, they prefer grain.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Lettuce not panic. Romaine calm. This is just the tip of the iceberg. It's a problem that needs a dressing.

Last edited by quickfur (2024-05-12 00:45:46)

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Once I worked in Hong Kong as a pizza delivery man, and had to deliver pizza to an apartment building. There was a list of buzzer codes on the door:

101 - S. Wong
201 - T. Wong
301 - H. Wong
401 - M. Wong
501 - G. Wong
601 - K. Wong
701 - P. Wong

That's just Wong on so many levels.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

Last week, I told my boss that if he wanted to keep me, I needed a raise because I had four other companies seeking me.

He said, "What are the companies?"

I said, "Water, Electrical, Gas, and Citi Bank.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

After all, being in debt attracts a lot of interest from banks.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

I wish someone could tell me what "IDK" means.

Every time I ask, they say, "I don't know."

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

I accidentally swallowed a whole bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster...!

golinux

Administrator

Registered: 2016-11-25

Posts: 3,316  

Re: The Joke Thread

It could also be a real blow-out . . .

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quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

In that case, urine trouble!

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Or, in techie speak:

This device has low I/O throughput. If you're doing a bulk import, please be considerate and adjust your batch size to commit multiple smaller transactions.

EDX-0

Member

Registered: 2020-12-12

Posts: 81  

Re: The Joke Thread

sytemd makes everything easier

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

McDonald's makes the best food.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

Asbestos I understand, there's nothing to be concerned about...

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Don't take things for granite; do things asbestos you can. It takes a boulder person to achieve concrete goals! Treat it as serious bismuth.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

I met a microbiologist the other day.

He was a lot larger than I expected.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

In mathematics, multiplication and division are inverse operations to each other. However, in biology, multiplication and division mean the same thing! (Now I know why I did so bad in high-school biology...)

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

What did Sushi A ask Sushi B?

Wasabiiiiii?

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

A hornet found itself inside the kitchen of a Japanese restaurant. The chef says, Wassup, bee?  The hornet replied, you make miso happy!

Last edited by quickfur (2024-05-30 20:53:53)

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

I recently joined a Secret Society.

I can't tell you how excited I am about it...

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

Why is 10 + 10 equal to 11 + 11?

Because 10 + 10 = 20, and 11 + 11 = 22.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

What do you call a pig with Martial Art skills?

A pork chop.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

What do you do with an imaginary pig?

Nothing; it's just a pig-ment of your imagination.

Last edited by quickfur (2024-06-01 19:32:09)

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

What's a martial artist's favorite drink?  Kara-tea.