You are not logged in.
"My sister plays the piano by ear!"
"That's nothing; my brother fiddles with his whiskers!"
Offline
Doctor: You have acute appendicitis.
Patient: Is that better than an ugly one?
Offline
I went to a grocery store and asked an employee where I could find the milk.
He said, "By the yogurt."
I said, "No, I just need milk."
Offline
My daughter decided to name her iPad after the Titanic. I have a syncing feeling about this...
Offline
Math teacher: Why are you handing in a blank sheet of paper for your assignment?
Student: Because all my answers are imaginary numbers.
Offline
The student was dozing off in English class. The teacher noticed, and snapped:
"Name two pronouns!"
The student replied groggily, "Who, me?"
Offline
@quickfur . . . I have to admit that you are really good at this . . .
Online
I got one I remembered, what is the similarities of miachel jackson and mcdonalds?
Their 40 year old meat and ten year old buns! O!!!!!!!!!!!1
If this goes too far, feel free to let me know.
I am not completely sure
Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!
Offline
Europun Trip
Had a Danish for breakfast,
But I'm still Hungary.
Went with France to a Turkey lunch,
Paid the Czech and climbed the tower in Paris:
Eiffel and now I'm in Seine.
Saw repairman on a Poland said:
Lift me outta here, Ukraine!
Offline
Airport security found a suspicious-looking unattended suitcase.
After efforts to find the owner failed, they decided to force it open. And lo and behold, it contained nothing but a single German sausage.
"Oh no," said the chief inspector. "This is the wurst case scenario!"
Offline
@quickfur oh boy, that last one was lame and I love it.
Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!
Offline
I went to the doctor, and he said I had less than a year.
I figured I had nothing to lose, so I robbed a bank.
The judge gave me 20 years.
Offline
"Recently they knighted the graphic artist, but they discovered that he was quite the coward."
"Why is that?"
"His name was Sir Render."
Offline
Apparently you can't be a morris dancer if you are circumsised, to be a morris dancer you have to be a complete prick.
Any analogies, better than second hand car sales and estate agents and Windows and Elon nuking the poles on mars and blowing up the solar system.
Offline
Doctor: Before we begin this procedure, I have to warn you that the survival rate is only 50%.
Patient: Well, then let's do it twice!
Offline
Patient: Doctor, doctor, please help! I'm hurting everywhere! See, when I touch here, and here, and here... Ouch! it hurts!
Doctor: (does full body checkup)
Patient: Well? What is it?
Doctor: You have a broken finger.
Offline
I'm sure that there was an episode of House which included that "my finger hurts"-joke.
Offline
Why is the doctor always so calm? Because he has a lot of patients.
Why is the pediatrician so short-tempered? Because he has little patients.
Offline
My best friend accused me of stealing his thesaurus.
I couldn't believe it. I was apalled, astonished, alarmed, astounded, bewildered, startled, dismayed, aghast, and stunned.
Offline
Which dinosaur has the richest vocabulary? The the-saurus, of course.
My best friend was charged with stealing my dictionary. I have no words.
Offline
A soldier is bragging about his wartime experiences. He has survived both mustard gas and pepper spray. I guess he's a seasoned veteran!
Offline
I wanted a hug from a fish, so I looked for a cuddlefish.
Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!
Offline
How do you make a cuttlefish laugh? Give it ten tickles.
Offline
The subatomic particle was speeding along the highway, and got pulled over by a cop.
"Do you know how fast you were going?" demanded the cop.
"No, but I do know my position!"
Offline
Thank you for making me smile again @quickfur... I hope you're well. And I wish for you peace, & have a good weekend too.
pic from 1993, new guitar day.
Online