The Joke Thread

quickfur · 2024-03-25 20:56:09

I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. I heard that you can't get there alone; you have to be in Cahoots with somebody. I've also never been in Cognito before. Apparently nobody recognizes anyone there. However, I've been in Sane. There's no airport; you have to be driven there. It's some distance past Upthewall. I've made several trips.

quickfur · 2024-03-26 01:01:30

Disgruntled user: Having multiple passwords doesn't seem to stop the hackers, but it sure stops me!

GlennW · 2024-03-26 02:31:25

hahahaha! That's some good ones... thank you for the laugh.

quickfur · 2024-03-27 13:07:09

Two programmers were testing the latest iteration of their web app. It ran and ran but didn't display any results.

"What's wrong with it?" asked one of them.

"I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe it ransomware!"

quickfur · 2024-03-27 13:19:49

Some things are great only for a period of time and then the novelty wears off. To this day, however, shovels remain a groundbreaking invention.

quickfur · 2024-03-27 13:27:06

Why didn't golinux appreciate the joke?

Because the punchline was painfully funny.

😉😜

golinux · 2024-03-27 15:21:21

Why didn't golinux appreciate the joke?
Because it is painful to see a life wasted on nonsense.

nahkhiirmees · 2024-03-27 22:09:32

Q:why are the Borg superconductive?
A:resistance is futile

quickfur · 2024-03-27 22:18:25

"I am Ohm of Borg. Resistance is voltage over current."

quickfur · 2024-03-27 22:19:46

Did you know that there's a species of antelope that can jump higher than an average house?

This is due to its powerful hind legs, and the fact that the average house cannot jump.

quickfur · 2024-03-31 03:57:54

Tried calling the tinnitus help line...
No answer, just kept ringing...

🤣

quickfur · 2024-04-02 11:13:17

Did you hear about the man who lost his left side? He's all right now.

What happened to the rest of him? That's all that's left.

zapper · 2024-04-02 22:23:06

@quickfur your joke regarding golinux was fun.

@golinux

Are there too many groaners in here for you and you find it annoying? Or can you not laugh at being poked at?

I don't really know specifically, but wondered for real.

If you want nonsense, just plug some c4 into a cash register full of only coins and blow it up! Then you will really have NONCENTS!

golinux · 2024-04-02 23:57:21

@zapper . . . You completely missed the point of my response. The joke is only tangentially relevant. The comment questioned why anyone would waste their time on something so useless. But then most people waste their entire lives on useless things . . .

zapper · 2024-04-03 01:56:01

@golinux fun fact if you look up useless things, you will find the following:
qanon
fascism
the kkk
climate change denial
conspiracy nuts like alex jones, etc...

quickfur · 2024-04-03 16:02:30

Relax, it's not as though I spend all day thinking up lame jokes. It's just a way to decompress after doing real work at my day job. After work some people tend to their garden and grow herbs, some people relax and get a beer belly. But IMHO that's just a waist of thyme.

quickfur · 2024-04-04 21:21:30

A pun walks into a bar and 5 people died from laughter, another 5 died groaning.

Pun in, ten dead.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-04-04 21:32:52

As a wise sage once said...

To pun or not to pun? That is the question.

quickfur · 2024-04-05 04:34:28

How did the farmer stop the aliens from invading earth?

He caught their spaceship in his tractor beam.

quickfur · 2024-04-07 04:30:50

The couch potato finally found a job at the stadium that suited him. He became a common-tator.

zapper · 2024-04-07 19:13:50

Why did a Microsoft employee get fired from Microsoft?

Because when he was working, he was working on wine.

Last edited by zapper (2024-04-07 19:14:39)

quickfur · 2024-04-08 13:15:17

If OSes were cars...

Windows user: I'll install this new filter and it should run for another 2 years.

Mac user: Oh no, something in there is broken, time to buy a new car all over again!

Linux user: (stares at floor full off isolated car parts and wonders how long it will take to recompile the entire car.)

Last edited by quickfur (2024-04-10 01:28:41)

quickfur · 2024-04-11 20:38:55

"How much do you think the chimney cost?"

"Let me guess -- nothing, because it's on the house."

"On the contrary, it was through the roof!"

zapper · 2024-04-16 23:51:05

A man using a bong walks into a bar and the bartender throws rocks at him and the man exclaims why?

And the bartender says, that's what we do to hippies, we stone them!

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-04-18 11:52:26

I learned to play guitar by ear.

Now, I use my hands.

The officially official Devuan Forum!

#326 2024-03-25 20:56:09

Re: The Joke Thread

#327 2024-03-26 01:01:30

Re: The Joke Thread

#328 2024-03-26 02:31:25

Re: The Joke Thread

#329 2024-03-27 13:07:09

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#330 2024-03-27 13:19:49

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#331 2024-03-27 13:27:06

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#332 2024-03-27 15:21:21

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#333 2024-03-27 22:09:32

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#334 2024-03-27 22:18:25

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#335 2024-03-27 22:19:46

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#336 2024-03-31 03:57:54

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#337 2024-04-02 11:13:17

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#338 2024-04-02 22:23:06

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#339 2024-04-02 23:57:21

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#340 2024-04-03 01:56:01

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#341 2024-04-03 16:02:30

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#342 2024-04-04 21:21:30

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#343 2024-04-04 21:32:52

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#344 2024-04-05 04:34:28

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#345 2024-04-07 04:30:50

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#346 2024-04-07 19:13:50

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#347 2024-04-08 13:15:17

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#348 2024-04-11 20:38:55

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#349 2024-04-16 23:51:05

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#350 2024-04-18 11:52:26

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