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#151 2023-12-07 17:41:49

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

In English, we are taught to never use a double negative when writing or speaking...

...because it's a big no-no.

tongue

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#152 2023-12-07 21:20:49

greenjeans
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Registered: 2017-04-07
Posts: 531  
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Re: The Joke Thread

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher wrote:

I thought things when I read groan and fertile, but I won't say what I thought...

Bwahahahaha!

tongue

Settle down Beavis.

big_smile


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#153 2023-12-07 22:52:17

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

Hahaha! cool

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#154 2023-12-08 03:11:31

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

I told my wife that her underwear is too tight and too revealing.

She said, "Then wear your own."

tongue

chihuahua-tabs.gif

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2023-12-08 03:35:26)

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#155 2023-12-08 19:01:58

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

I recently bought a television that said "built in anntena".

I don't know where that is.

tongue

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#156 2023-12-09 10:26:29

mclien
Member
Registered: 2020-02-29
Posts: 99  

Re: The Joke Thread

Three man in a boat had 4 cigarettes but no matches.
How do they manage to smoke?

The threw away one cigarette, making the boat a cigarette lighter.

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#157 2023-12-12 00:51:47

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 955  

Re: The Joke Thread

mclien wrote:

Three man in a boat had 4 cigarettes but no matches.
How do they manage to smoke?

The threw away one cigarette, making the boat a cigarette lighter.

Very clever... insert smug smile below:

Or troll face smile if you prefer...

tongue


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#158 2023-12-14 19:03:40

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

I asked my friend Sam (who writes jingles for commercials) to write a quick jingle for the iphone.

Then, Sam sung.

tongue

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#159 2023-12-17 00:25:11

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

I haven't talked to my wife in over 10 years...

...because I don't want to interrupt her.

tongue

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#160 2023-12-20 14:59:40

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

I picked up a hitch hiker the other day.

He asked, "How do you know if I'm a serial killer or not?"

So I asked, "What are the chances of two serial killers being in the same car?"

tongue

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#161 2023-12-21 16:55:57

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

My wife said that I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side.

So, I crashed the car.

tongue

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#162 2023-12-22 16:54:30

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

Yesterday, I told my wife that I wanted to be cremated.

So, she made an appointment for me next week.

tongue

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#163 2023-12-22 17:39:11

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 422  

Re: The Joke Thread

How do you survive on a desert island with no boat and no food?

You eat the sand-wich is there. big_smile

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#164 2023-12-28 11:31:01

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

Sometimes, my wife wakes up grumpy.

Other times, she lets me sleep late.

tongue

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#165 2023-12-28 15:33:19

golinux
Administrator
Registered: 2016-11-25
Posts: 3,305  

Re: The Joke Thread

What's with all the wife jokes . . . ? How about some husband jokes for balance?

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#166 2023-12-28 16:41:30

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

golinux wrote:

What's with all the wife jokes . . . ? How about some husband jokes for balance?

I thought that last one was a husband joke???

tongue

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#167 2023-12-28 16:54:22

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

Okay...

I've gone back (over page 7 of this thread) and counted the number of "jokes" meant to poke fun at husbands or wives. By my count, the jokes meant to poke fun at husbands is three, and the number meant to poke fun at wives is two.

Pokes at husbands: Posts #s 154, 162, and 164
Pokes at wives: Posts # 159 and 161

???

If I've offended people, I apologize...

...but I still think they're funny. tongue

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#168 2023-12-28 17:10:08

golinux
Administrator
Registered: 2016-11-25
Posts: 3,305  

Re: The Joke Thread

Hahaha! Thanks for the stats!! Just shows how accurate our perceptions are . . . Carry on with making us smile!

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#169 2023-12-28 17:35:04

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

Okay...but bear down.

My wife asked, "Our neighbor always hugs and kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?"

I said, "I don't even know her."

tongue

Husbands 4
Wives 2

tongue

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2023-12-28 17:36:42)

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#170 2023-12-28 18:11:04

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 422  

Re: The Joke Thread

I don't have any wife jokes, what about wifi jokes? tongue

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#171 2023-12-28 18:18:06

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

quickfur wrote:

I don't have any wife jokes, what about wifi jokes? tongue

Q. What were the router's last words?

A. Tell my wifi love her.

tongue

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#172 2023-12-28 20:00:20

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

Okay...

My non-binary partner said that I needed to get more in touch with my non-binary side.
So,

01001001 00100000 01100011 01110010 01100001 01110011 01101000 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101001 01110010 00100000 01100011 01100001 01110010 

tongue

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2023-12-28 20:05:43)

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#173 2023-12-29 15:48:55

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

My son asked me to explain taxes.

So I ate 33.3% of his ice cream.

tongue

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#174 2023-12-29 20:18:13

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

I went to a job interview for a Salesman's position.

I was handed a laptop, and he said that he wanted me to sell the laptop to him.

So, I took the laptop and left the interview.
.
.
.
.
The next day, I was called and told to return the laptop.

I said, "It's yours for $600."

tongue

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#175 2023-12-30 10:33:33

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 413  

Re: The Joke Thread

My wife and I were having a romantic dinner.

She said, "What starts with S and ends with X."

I said, "No it doesn't."

tongue

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