The Joke Thread

stargate-sg1-cheyenne-mtn · 2024-10-25 12:36:17

wwjd

https://www.jesusfilm.org/blog/jesus-washing-the-disciples-feet/

were we to meet, i'd wash thee feet.

perhaps pedicure and polish provided per mutual agreement

JWM-Kit · 2024-10-25 21:46:04

A RAID member disk walks into a bar. Bartender asks what’s wrong?
“Parity error.”
“Yeah, you look a bit off.”

quickfur · 2024-10-26 13:38:44

What's the definition of parity?

- A parrot's favorite drink.

Why did the bartender refuse to give the parrot a drink?

- Because he was parrot-no-id.

What geometric figure most resembles a parrot?

- A polygon.

Why did the mathematician's parrot starve?

- He couldn't solve the polly-no-meals!

Last edited by quickfur (2024-10-26 13:41:59)

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-11-01 21:36:12

Recently, a really dangerous gang of mimes came to our town and performed all kinds of unspeakable acts...

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-11-15 18:30:40

Have you ever noticed...

When the evening news comes on, the host says, "Good Evening!"

Then proceeds to spend an hour telling you why it's not a good evening.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-11-17 13:57:32

Yesterday, I was walking around town, and I noticed a lot of flyers that had been put up on poles, store fronts, etc.

The message was...

A picture of a cute long-haired Calico cat. Followed by, Have you seen this cat? PLEASE call me @...and a phone number.

Well, I figured it was important with so many flyers.

So, I called the number, and I told her "No...I haven't seen it."

moulder61 · 2024-11-17 14:23:52

I told my friend that my dog had run off and was missing.

He said, "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"

I said, "It's no good, my dog can't read."

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-11-23 20:46:02

Recently, a foreign couple gave me their camera.

They made a lot of nice gestures. I couldn't understand what they were saying, but they seemed happy about it.

So, I took it.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-11-24 01:54:26

I heard that a kiwi tastes similar to a watermelon.

So, I tried one.

It tasted good, but I couldn't enjoy it from having to spit out the seeds like a watermelon.

quickfur · 2024-12-05 13:10:11

I heard that a kiwi tastes similar to a watermelon.

So, I tried one.

Unfortunately, the feathers got in the way of enjoyment. (And no, it does not taste like watermelon...)

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-12-05 14:50:42

When our children were young, my wife asked me to child-proof our home.

I did, but they still got in.

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2024-12-05 14:52:54)

quickfur · 2024-12-05 19:05:32

Once, I visited a modern home equipped with a self-cleaning kitchen.

I had to clean up after myself.

zapper · 2024-12-10 03:22:31

Try kiwi berries, they taste like kiwis without the annoying expletive pits.

quickfur · 2024-12-11 00:49:42

Unfortunately, I'm allergic to berries. My worst nightmare was that one time when my wife made me eat a fruit salad full of cherries and peaches. It was just the pits.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-12-18 18:00:14

My wife complained that she never gets any privacy.

I don't know if that's true; that's just what I read in her diary...

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2024-12-18 18:01:42)

moulder61 · 2024-12-18 19:49:30

I remember sneakily unwrapping my wife's Christmas present one year to see what I'd bought her?

quickfur · 2024-12-18 21:05:15

One time, my son asked me what clouds are made of.

I answered, Mostly Linux servers.

moulder61 · 2024-12-19 20:41:41

My son was doing his homework and asked me where the pyramids were?
I said, "Ask your mother, she tidies up around here."

quickfur · 2024-12-19 23:38:35

Student: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Student: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

zephyr · Yesterday 23:16:22

Beatles

while my guitar gently weeps
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFDg-pgE0Hk

cheers

zephyr

zephyr · Yesterday 23:19:01

Emerson, Lake and Palmer

father christmas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBeKOHLe3Ns

cheers

zephyr

greenjeans · Yesterday 23:35:57

Here's a joke:

What did gtk2 say to the system?

gtk2: "Do this, this, and this please"
system: No problem, will do!"

What did gtk3 say to the system?

gtk3:"lke rnl kSnbl ekjajhlkjnxkenjn cejxkjn"
system: "What the hell was that crap? Falling back to gtk2"
gtk3: "The hell you will"

aaarrrgh.

The officially official Devuan Forum!

#801 2024-10-25 12:36:17

Re: The Joke Thread

#802 2024-10-25 21:46:04

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#803 2024-10-26 13:38:44

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#804 2024-11-01 21:36:12

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#805 2024-11-15 18:30:40

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#806 2024-11-17 13:57:32

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#807 2024-11-17 14:23:52

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#808 2024-11-23 20:46:02

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#809 2024-11-24 01:54:26

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#810 2024-12-05 13:10:11

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#811 2024-12-05 14:50:42

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#813 2024-12-10 03:22:31

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#818 2024-12-19 20:41:41

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#819 2024-12-19 23:38:35

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#820 Yesterday 23:16:22

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#821 Yesterday 23:19:01

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#822 Yesterday 23:35:57

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