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#651 2024-08-28 20:12:02

moulder61
Member
Registered: 2024-07-06
Posts: 40  

Re: The Joke Thread

I went to the R.S.P.C.A. head office today. It's really small. Not enough room to swing a cat. smile

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#652 2024-08-29 03:55:49

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

After driving past an accident and getting my tires damaged by glass shards, I now need to replace my car tires.

Fortunately, I have been contributing to my re-tire-ment plan, so I should be covered. big_smile

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#653 2024-08-29 04:03:12

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Recently I saw a novel by an author named Paige Turner. I guess she was born to be a famous writer!

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#654 2024-08-29 17:24:52

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Did you hear about the guy who boiled his funny bone?  It was a laughing stock.

Now, that's humerus.

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#655 2024-08-30 10:06:22

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 426  

Re: The Joke Thread

In a panic, I went to the doctor yesterday.

I said, "Doc, I'm really worried. I think I'm shrinking."

He said, "Settle down. You just need to learn how to be a little patient."

tongue

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#656 2024-08-30 13:51:15

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

The old man's mind was beginning to deteriorate, and he told the doctor about how all of his sons want to grow up to be valets.

The doctor said, "Wow, that's the most severe case of parking sons' disease that I've ever seen!"

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#657 2024-08-30 16:03:40

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 426  

Re: The Joke Thread

I know a lot of these jokes may cause some eye-rolls and groans, but these jokes are really the best...and here's why.

Y

tongue

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#658 2024-08-30 18:02:33

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Well, the problem is that I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y. big_smile

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#659 2024-08-30 23:06:10

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Everyone was astounded when the mathematician won the plowing competition and the farmer came out second.

"How did he do it?" they asked.

"Simple," says the farmer. "He had a pro tractor."

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#660 2024-09-01 20:21:38

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

A chicken and an egg walked into a bar. The bartender asked, Which of you is first?

Unfortunately, the question is unanswered. 😜

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#661 2024-09-02 01:53:12

greenjeans
Member
Registered: 2017-04-07
Posts: 531  
Website

Re: The Joke Thread

A chicken and an egg walked into a bar. The bartender asked, Which of you is first?

Unfortunately, the question is unanswered. 😜

ROTFL!


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#662 2024-09-02 22:22:24

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 426  

Re: The Joke Thread

I went up to a street vendor and asked for a foot-long hot dog.

He said, "Okay. It won't be long."

So I asked, "Why? Is it stacked?"

tongue

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#663 2024-09-03 10:55:29

moulder61
Member
Registered: 2024-07-06
Posts: 40  

Re: The Joke Thread

I was walking down the road and saw two council workers. One was digging a hole and the other was filling it back in. I asked what they were doing and one of them told me that the guy that plants the trees is on holiday!

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#664 2024-09-03 16:26:04

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

the guy that plants the trees is on holiday!

In-tree-guing! tongue

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#665 2024-09-03 22:24:59

moulder61
Member
Registered: 2024-07-06
Posts: 40  

Re: The Joke Thread

I wanted to paint a tree and was told to go to the tree paint shop. I'd never heard of it, but apparently they have branches everywhere?

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#666 2024-09-03 23:42:35

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Once, someone walked under an old tree and suddenly a branch broke off and knocked him unconscious.

Tree strikes and you're out!

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#667 2024-09-04 10:14:59

moulder61
Member
Registered: 2024-07-06
Posts: 40  

Re: The Joke Thread

Based on the question that "if a tree fell in a forest and no-one was there, would it make a noise?" - If a man was in a forest mansplaining something and his wife wasn't there, would he still be wrong? tongue

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#668 2024-09-04 10:56:47

stargate-sg1-cheyenne-mtn
Member
Registered: 2023-11-27
Posts: 173  

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#669 2024-09-04 13:50:39

moulder61
Member
Registered: 2024-07-06
Posts: 40  

Re: The Joke Thread

A guy wins the lottery and decides he will treat himself to a proper expensive watch.
The one he buys cost £500,000, is solid gold, diamond encrusted and is accurate to within 1 second in million years.
He's at home that evening admiring his watch when the News at Ten comes on TV.
He hears Big Ben's chimes for 10 o'clock and looks at his watch which is showing 7.30pm?
He slaps his son round the head and says "I told you to stop messing about with the bloody television!"

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#670 2024-09-04 13:55:35

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

They finally made a movie about watches. It's about time!

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#671 2024-09-04 16:33:58

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

The weather forecast predicted a major storm, but it turned out to be only a tempest in a teapot. It was a brew-tea-ful day!

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#672 2024-09-05 15:56:03

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 426  

Re: The Joke Thread

Yesterday, I decided to stop looking at my bank account.

I wanted to rid myself of all the negative things in my life.

tongue

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#673 2024-09-05 17:03:16

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Really?  And here I was thinking my banking app is always giving me positive feedback.  Every time I log in, it tells me that my balance is outstanding!

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#674 2024-09-05 22:20:16

moulder61
Member
Registered: 2024-07-06
Posts: 40  

Re: The Joke Thread

A guy goes into the bank with a sawn off shotgun and says to the cashier, "Give me all the cash!"
Cashier says, "No, I don't think so."
Gunman says, "Did you not see I have a sawn off shotgun pointed right at you?"
Cashier says, "Did you not see you've sawn the wrong end off?"

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#675 2024-09-05 22:25:07

moulder61
Member
Registered: 2024-07-06
Posts: 40  

Re: The Joke Thread

Meanwhile, another idiot has forged some £18 notes and thinks that, to be clever, he'll go into the bank to get them changed.
The cashier says, "Did you want 3 sixes or 2 nines?"

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