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#251 2024-02-17 01:30:25

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

I suspect the best way to deal with procrastination is to put off the procrastination itself until later. I've been meaning to try this, but haven't gotten around to it yet.

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#252 2024-02-17 15:12:33

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

How many ears does Spock have?

Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

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#253 2024-02-17 17:15:59

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

Why did the chicken cross the road?
- to get to the other side.

Why did the cartoonist cross the road?
- to get to the Far Side.

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#254 2024-02-18 15:00:20

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 234  

Re: The Joke Thread

quickfur wrote:

I suspect the best way to deal with procrastination is to put off the procrastination itself until later. I've been meaning to try this, but haven't gotten around to it yet.
_______________________________________________

How many ears does Spock have?

Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

Hahaha! Those are good ones! smile

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2024-02-18 15:01:28)

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#255 2024-02-18 15:02:52

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 234  

Re: The Joke Thread

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

DAM!

tongue

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#256 2024-02-19 01:05:18

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 817  

Re: The Joke Thread

"What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

DAM!"

Speaking of whichm this reminds me of a  courage the cowardly dog episode where the father beaver christened a dam:

That dam beaver.

tongue

Point of fact, that joke is old/common even by my standards. big_smile


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

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#257 2024-02-19 01:35:00

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

Boss: Why sick days on weekdays only?
Employee: Must be my weekend immune system.

😂

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#258 2024-02-19 01:36:54

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

I was hit by a bottle of Omega 3 pills. Luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil.

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#259 2024-02-19 01:59:34

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

Interviewer: There seems to be a 5 year gap in your resumé.
Candidate: Oh, that's when I went to Yale.
Interviewer: Impressive! I think you're the person we're looking for.
Candidate: So, I got the yob?

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#260 2024-02-19 11:43:17

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

The CEO of IKEA was elected for president of Sweden.

... he is still assembling his cabinet.

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#261 2024-02-22 00:06:21

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

Anger management classes postponed...

... for classroom repairs.

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#262 2024-02-22 20:48:41

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 234  

Re: The Joke Thread

I know a lady who refuses to eat meat...

...but you've probably never heard of herbivore.

tongue

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#263 2024-02-22 21:59:53

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

Choosing to be vegetarian is a great missed steak. 😜

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#264 2024-02-23 06:19:37

mirrortokyo
Member
Registered: 2021-04-08
Posts: 42  

Re: The Joke Thread

I keep writing letters to myself

Dear Me

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#265 2024-02-23 15:54:27

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 234  

Re: The Joke Thread

Q.  What do you call 4 guys in a rock group that can't sing or play instruments?

A.  Mount Rushmore.

tongue

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#266 2024-02-23 18:43:40

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 234  

Re: The Joke Thread

...as the old saying goes..

An apple a day, keeps the doctors away...

...as long as you hit them in the head as hard as you can throw it.

tongue

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#267 2024-02-24 02:10:24

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

My wife tried to beat me at scrabble but I wooden letter. 😁

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#268 2024-02-24 15:48:20

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 234  

Re: The Joke Thread

I was making chicken soup.

I asked my wife if she would like more vegetables in it.

She said, "Not nessecelery."

tongue

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#269 2024-02-24 22:52:24

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that's probably why. 🤣

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#270 2024-02-24 22:54:41

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 817  

Re: The Joke Thread

@the-amnesiac-philospher

Yeah... my answer originally for an apple a day keeps the doctor away was similar.

"All you have to do is throw them hard enough at him"

tongue


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

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#271 2024-02-24 22:56:04

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 817  

Re: The Joke Thread

What do you call a reptitive idea where you do the equivalent  of throwing a dirty smelly stinky fish at someone?

Say it with me in all caps:

CALL OF DUTY!

tongue

"COD"

big_smile

Last edited by zapper (2024-02-24 22:57:01)


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

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#272 2024-02-25 05:09:39

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 137  

Re: The Joke Thread

And if a psychiatrist puts you in a straitjacket, you would be shrink wrapped.

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