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quickfur

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Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

I suspect the best way to deal with procrastination is to put off the procrastination itself until later. I've been meaning to try this, but haven't gotten around to it yet.

quickfur

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Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

How many ears does Spock have?

Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Why did the chicken cross the road?
- to get to the other side.

Why did the cartoonist cross the road?
- to get to the Far Side.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

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Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

I suspect the best way to deal with procrastination is to put off the procrastination itself until later. I've been meaning to try this, but haven't gotten around to it yet.
_______________________________________________

How many ears does Spock have?

Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

Hahaha! Those are good ones!

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2024-02-18 15:01:28)

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

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Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

DAM!

zapper

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Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 967  

Re: The Joke Thread

"What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

DAM!"

Speaking of whichm this reminds me of a  courage the cowardly dog episode where the father beaver christened a dam:

That dam beaver.

Point of fact, that joke is old/common even by my standards.

---

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

quickfur

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Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Boss: Why sick days on weekdays only?
Employee: Must be my weekend immune system.

😂

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

I was hit by a bottle of Omega 3 pills. Luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Interviewer: There seems to be a 5 year gap in your resumé.
Candidate: Oh, that's when I went to Yale.
Interviewer: Impressive! I think you're the person we're looking for.
Candidate: So, I got the yob?

quickfur

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Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

The CEO of IKEA was elected for president of Sweden.

... he is still assembling his cabinet.

quickfur

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Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Anger management classes postponed...

... for classroom repairs.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

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Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

I know a lady who refuses to eat meat...

...but you've probably never heard of herbivore.

quickfur

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Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Choosing to be vegetarian is a great missed steak. 😜

mirrortokyo

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Registered: 2021-04-08

Posts: 54  

Re: The Joke Thread

I keep writing letters to myself

Dear Me

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

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Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

Q.  What do you call 4 guys in a rock group that can't sing or play instruments?

A.  Mount Rushmore.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

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Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

...as the old saying goes..

An apple a day, keeps the doctors away...

...as long as you hit them in the head as hard as you can throw it.

quickfur

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Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

My wife tried to beat me at scrabble but I wooden letter. 😁

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

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Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

I was making chicken soup.

I asked my wife if she would like more vegetables in it.

She said, "Not nessecelery."

quickfur

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Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that's probably why. 🤣

zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 967  

Re: The Joke Thread

@the-amnesiac-philospher

Yeah... my answer originally for an apple a day keeps the doctor away was similar.

"All you have to do is throw them hard enough at him"

---

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 967  

Re: The Joke Thread

What do you call a reptitive idea where you do the equivalent  of throwing a dirty smelly stinky fish at someone?

Say it with me in all caps:

CALL OF DUTY!

"COD"

Last edited by zapper (2024-02-24 22:57:01)

---

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

quickfur

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Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

And if a psychiatrist puts you in a straitjacket, you would be shrink wrapped.

quickfur

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Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

I told her 10 jokes to make her laugh. No pun in ten did.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

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Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 429  

Re: The Joke Thread

Q. How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?

A. You rocket.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 431  

Re: The Joke Thread

Doctor: I'm afraid to inform you that your DNA is backwards.
Patient: And?