The Joke Thread

quickfur · 2024-02-17 01:30:25

I suspect the best way to deal with procrastination is to put off the procrastination itself until later. I've been meaning to try this, but haven't gotten around to it yet.

quickfur · 2024-02-17 15:12:33

How many ears does Spock have?

Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

quickfur · 2024-02-17 17:15:59

Why did the chicken cross the road?
- to get to the other side.

Why did the cartoonist cross the road?
- to get to the Far Side.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-18 15:00:20

quickfur wrote:

I suspect the best way to deal with procrastination is to put off the procrastination itself until later. I've been meaning to try this, but haven't gotten around to it yet.
_______________________________________________
How many ears does Spock have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

Hahaha! Those are good ones!

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2024-02-18 15:01:28)

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-18 15:02:52

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

DAM!

zapper · 2024-02-19 01:05:18

"What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

DAM!"

Speaking of whichm this reminds me of a courage the cowardly dog episode where the father beaver christened a dam:

That dam beaver.

Point of fact, that joke is old/common even by my standards.

quickfur · 2024-02-19 01:35:00

Boss: Why sick days on weekdays only?
Employee: Must be my weekend immune system.

😂

quickfur · 2024-02-19 01:36:54

I was hit by a bottle of Omega 3 pills. Luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil.

quickfur · 2024-02-19 01:59:34

Interviewer: There seems to be a 5 year gap in your resumé.
Candidate: Oh, that's when I went to Yale.
Interviewer: Impressive! I think you're the person we're looking for.
Candidate: So, I got the yob?

quickfur · 2024-02-19 11:43:17

The CEO of IKEA was elected for president of Sweden.

... he is still assembling his cabinet.

quickfur · 2024-02-22 00:06:21

Anger management classes postponed...

... for classroom repairs.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-22 20:48:41

I know a lady who refuses to eat meat...

...but you've probably never heard of herbivore.

quickfur · 2024-02-22 21:59:53

Choosing to be vegetarian is a great missed steak. 😜

mirrortokyo · 2024-02-23 06:19:37

I keep writing letters to myself

Dear Me

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-23 15:54:27

Q. What do you call 4 guys in a rock group that can't sing or play instruments?

A. Mount Rushmore.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-23 18:43:40

...as the old saying goes..

An apple a day, keeps the doctors away...

...as long as you hit them in the head as hard as you can throw it.

quickfur · 2024-02-24 02:10:24

My wife tried to beat me at scrabble but I wooden letter. 😁

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-24 15:48:20

I was making chicken soup.

I asked my wife if she would like more vegetables in it.

She said, "Not nessecelery."

quickfur · 2024-02-24 22:52:24

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that's probably why. 🤣

zapper · 2024-02-24 22:54:41

@the-amnesiac-philospher

Yeah... my answer originally for an apple a day keeps the doctor away was similar.

"All you have to do is throw them hard enough at him"

zapper · 2024-02-24 22:56:04

What do you call a reptitive idea where you do the equivalent of throwing a dirty smelly stinky fish at someone?

Say it with me in all caps:

CALL OF DUTY!

"COD"

Last edited by zapper (2024-02-24 22:57:01)

quickfur · 2024-02-25 05:09:39

And if a psychiatrist puts you in a straitjacket, you would be shrink wrapped.

quickfur · 2024-02-28 00:02:30

I told her 10 jokes to make her laugh. No pun in ten did.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-02-28 14:15:03

Q. How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?

A. You rocket.

quickfur · 2024-02-28 20:46:14

Doctor: I'm afraid to inform you that your DNA is backwards.
Patient: And?

The officially official Devuan Forum!

#251 2024-02-17 01:30:25

Re: The Joke Thread

#252 2024-02-17 15:12:33

Re: The Joke Thread

#253 2024-02-17 17:15:59

Re: The Joke Thread

#254 2024-02-18 15:00:20

Re: The Joke Thread

#255 2024-02-18 15:02:52

Re: The Joke Thread

#256 2024-02-19 01:05:18

Re: The Joke Thread

#257 2024-02-19 01:35:00

Re: The Joke Thread

#258 2024-02-19 01:36:54

Re: The Joke Thread

#259 2024-02-19 01:59:34

Re: The Joke Thread

#260 2024-02-19 11:43:17

Re: The Joke Thread

#261 2024-02-22 00:06:21

Re: The Joke Thread

#262 2024-02-22 20:48:41

Re: The Joke Thread

#263 2024-02-22 21:59:53

Re: The Joke Thread

#264 2024-02-23 06:19:37

Re: The Joke Thread

#265 2024-02-23 15:54:27

Re: The Joke Thread

#266 2024-02-23 18:43:40

Re: The Joke Thread

#267 2024-02-24 02:10:24

Re: The Joke Thread

#268 2024-02-24 15:48:20

Re: The Joke Thread

#269 2024-02-24 22:52:24

Re: The Joke Thread

#270 2024-02-24 22:54:41

Re: The Joke Thread

#271 2024-02-24 22:56:04

Re: The Joke Thread

#272 2024-02-25 05:09:39

Re: The Joke Thread

#273 2024-02-28 00:02:30

Re: The Joke Thread

#274 2024-02-28 14:15:03

Re: The Joke Thread

#275 2024-02-28 20:46:14

Re: The Joke Thread

Board footer