The Joke Thread

moulder61 · 2024-09-12 11:47:27

@quickfur

Looks like 5 circles to me?

moulder61 · 2024-09-12 11:53:17

My wife said that she wanted a divorce on the grounds of my gross immaturity.
I tried to reason with her but she said, " Look, that's it. I've had enough. I can't take it any more. It's over. Period".
Then I started laughing.
So she said, "What's so funny?"
I said, "You just said "period"!"

quickfur · 2024-09-12 15:31:28

Oh right, it is 5 circles. See, it confused even me.

quickfur · 2024-09-12 17:59:42

I miss synonym rolls, like the ones grammar used to make.

moulder61 · 2024-09-12 21:18:18

I went to the baker and asked, "Can I have 3 wasps please?"
The baker said, "We don't sell wasps!"
I said, "Well you've got 6 in the window!"

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-13 10:28:34

What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question with a joke?

quickfur · 2024-09-13 14:47:37

Why ask rhetorical questions?

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-13 23:38:02

I have no answer for that.

quickfur · 2024-09-14 05:07:26

You're not supposed to answer a rhetorical question 😆

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-14 17:16:14

Hence, I had no answer.

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2024-09-14 17:26:45)

JWM-Kit · 2024-09-18 00:33:54

. . . cricket sounds . . .

The party died without golinux here

Last edited by JWM-Kit (2024-09-18 00:34:34)

quickfur · 2024-09-18 00:54:37

Well I was away and the thread died. So I decided to hire an Uber to get back here. Turns out, the driver's Russian, and his name is Pickup Andropov.

Last edited by quickfur (2024-09-18 01:12:40)

quickfur · 2024-09-18 01:03:30

In other news, I almost won the stuffy nose contest, but in the end I blew it.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-18 12:37:22

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to our house the other day.

He dumped a can of cat food on our rug and said that he'd eat what the vacuum didn't pick up.

I said, "I hope you're hungry. Our electricity has been out for hours."

quickfur · 2024-09-18 15:46:41

As they say, when you open up your vacuum cleaner to clean it, you become a vacuum cleaner.

mirrortokyo · 2024-09-19 03:44:12

It sucks to be a vacuum cleaner.

quickfur · 2024-09-19 03:54:03

I want to get rid of my vacuum cleaner. It's only picking up dust. Besides, when it works it sucks, and when it doesn't suck it doesn't work!

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-19 11:10:34

Recently, our local orchestra was playing a concert in the park during a storm.

Lightning struck the Conductor.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-19 11:26:01

Last week, my friend and I went to the local bar to play pool.

I was setting things up, and my friend asked, "Hey, you wanna break?"

I said, "Why? We're just getting started."

quickfur · 2024-09-19 14:09:25

My son accidentally bumped the table while sitting down for dinner, knocking over a bowl of peas all over himself.

"Dad," he says. "I need to go to the bathroom. I've just pead myself."

🤣

quickfur · 2024-09-19 17:51:27

Our guests happened to arrive at the same time as our grocery delivery. They knocked on the door, and the delivery man called out, "Lettuce in!"

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-19 23:48:43

I feel sorry for AA batteries...

They're not included in anything.

quickfur · 2024-09-20 03:00:15

The thing about batteries is that in spite of all the benefits they bring, they always have a negative side.

quickfur · 2024-09-20 03:05:55

BTW, I have a ton of batteries to give away. They're free of charge.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-09-20 13:31:35

Hahahaha!

The officially official Devuan Forum!

#701 2024-09-12 11:47:27

Re: The Joke Thread

#702 2024-09-12 11:53:17

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