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moulder61

Member

Registered: 2024-07-06

Posts: 56  

Re: The Joke Thread

I bought some Velcro recently. It was £20 per metre. What a rip off!

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My Miyo based projects are here:
https://u.pcloud.link/publink/show?code … mh17LarHR7

moulder61

Member

Registered: 2024-07-06

Posts: 56  

Re: The Joke Thread

While I was there I asked for a box of 100 cross head screws.
The assistant said, "How long do you want them?"
I said, "I want to keep them."

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My Miyo based projects are here:
https://u.pcloud.link/publink/show?code … mh17LarHR7

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 452  

Re: The Joke Thread

I hate shoelaces.  Either they come off at the most inconvenient time when I'm in a hurry, and I have to waste time re-tying them, or they are too long and get caught in my bicycle pedal or gears, landing me in near-accidents.

One day I decided it's high time to sit down and have a good talk with my shoelaces.  I said, can you please not get untied at the most inconvenient times, and can you please not get caught when I'm riding a bike?

My shoelaces replied, I'm a frayed knot.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 452  

Re: The Joke Thread

My son, OTOH, is an expert at knot-tying.

He looks at shoes with laces, and says, NO!

moulder61

Member

Registered: 2024-07-06

Posts: 56  

Re: The Joke Thread

Talking of shoes, I bought a pair of tortoise shell ones the other week. It took me four hours to get out of the shop.

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My Miyo based projects are here:
https://u.pcloud.link/publink/show?code … mh17LarHR7

moulder61

Member

Registered: 2024-07-06

Posts: 56  

Re: The Joke Thread

A man came out of prison after 20 years, and amongst the possessions returned to him was a ticket for a shoe repair.
He decided to see if the shoe repairers shop was still there?
Sure enough, it was. Also, the same man that was there 20 years before was working there!
The man gave him the receipt and was told, "They'll be ready on Tuesday,"

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My Miyo based projects are here:
https://u.pcloud.link/publink/show?code … mh17LarHR7

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 444  

Re: The Joke Thread

A policeman pulled me over yesterday.

He looked at me and said, "Papers."

I said, "Scissors." So, I won and drove off.

It must have upset him. I think he wanted a rematch or something, because he kept following me around for over an hour.

Last edited by The-Amnesiac-Philosopher (2025-01-01 15:06:01)

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 444  

Re: The Joke Thread

Yesterday, I caused myself a lot of pain from spending too much time measuring radio frequencies.

It still hertz.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 452  

Re: The Joke Thread

Speaking of radio, yesterday I was wondering why music was coming out of my printer.

Turns out, there was a paper jam.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 452  

Re: The Joke Thread

And just a few days ago, I saw an old radio at a yard sale. There was a piece of paper on it saying: "$1, volume stuck on full."

I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 452  

Re: The Joke Thread

A conman has been posing as a psychic and swindling tons of money from people at the fairground. The police showed up, but being short in stature, he managed to evade notice and escape.

The next day, newspaper headlines read: SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 444  

Re: The Joke Thread

My wife sent me a text that said, "Ur great!"

I replied, "No, You're great!"

She's been in a great mood ever since.

I guess I should correct her grammar more often...

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 444  

Re: The Joke Thread

My wife said that she's interested in apple watches...

...so I took her to an orchard to watch them.

moulder61

Member

Registered: 2024-07-06

Posts: 56  

Re: The Joke Thread

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas?
She said, "An animal fur and something with diamonds."
So I got her a donkey jacket and a pack of playing cards.

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My Miyo based projects are here:
https://u.pcloud.link/publink/show?code … mh17LarHR7

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 444  

Re: The Joke Thread

Yesterday, I saw a book in our local bookstore. The title was "Forget Everything You Ever Knew About MS-DOS".

So I did.

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 452  

Re: The Joke Thread

Today, I saw another book in the bookstore. It was a novel called The Dutchman in the Tube.

It made me wonder, is it about a hollow cylinder, or a silly Hollander?

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 444  

Re: The Joke Thread

In the USA, a lot of women won't date a man unless the man makes at least seven figures a year...

No problem...

$13,764.69

That's seven figures baby!

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 452  

Re: The Joke Thread

So sculptors in the USA get lots of dates?

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 444  

Re: The Joke Thread

No, they mostly design grapes and fig leaves in their sculptures...

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 444  

Re: The Joke Thread

Late last night, my wife called out, "Honey, are you coming to bed?"

I said, "Yes, but I need to brush my teeth."

She said, "I do too!"

I said, "No thanks, I think once is enough."

quickfur

Member

Registered: 2023-12-14

Posts: 452  

Re: The Joke Thread

A young prince was arguing with his father, the King.

Prince: Father, I deserve a proper bed!  The King has a king-sized bed, and the Queen has a queen-sized bed.  Where's my prince-sized bed??!
King: You know where you sleep.  Now get back to your heir mattress!