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zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 856  

Re: The Joke Thread

hahahahaha, thanks for the laughs everyone. :-)

Agreed!

Though in my opinion, some of them were meh, but some were extremely amusing.

Last edited by zapper (2023-10-26 23:27:29)

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Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
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The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 250  

Re: The Joke Thread

This is our dog, Juliette.

Well, not really. It's just a picture of her.

LU344928

Member

Registered: 2020-02-13

Posts: 72  

Re: The Joke Thread

The same skeleton walked into a bar and said. "Gimme a beer...

... and a mop."

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zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 856  

Re: The Joke Thread

I said that looked pear shaped, so someone threw two socks at my face!

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Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 856  

Re: The Joke Thread

I saw miachel jackson's ghost yesterday, he appeared to be drinking something... I could tell it was him because he was white...

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Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 856  

Re: The Joke Thread

I heard a bad call of duty joke, it was a bunch of crap though so someone threw a dirty stinking fish called a cod at my face.

xD

Minor edit

Last edited by zapper (2023-11-03 23:34:12)

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Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 856  

Re: The Joke Thread

When I heard Debian discontinued Debian 8, I said you better bring it back or I will make it come back even if it is a stretch, buster!

minor edit!

Last edited by zapper (2023-11-03 23:36:48)

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Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 250  

Re: The Joke Thread

I met a lady last night and asked her when her birthday was.

She said, "March 1st."

So, I walked around the room and asked her again.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 250  

Re: The Joke Thread

I asked my North Korean friend what it's like to live there.

He said, "Well, I can't complain."

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 250  

Re: The Joke Thread

Q.  Why did the non-binary gold prospector head out west?

A.  Because there was gold in them/their hills.

zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 856  

Re: The Joke Thread

I asked my North Korean friend what it's like to live there.

He said, "Well, I can't complain."

Forgot to say this,

AWFUL!

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Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 856  

Re: The Joke Thread

I have a joke!

Who is doctor who?

You answer,

I ask but who is he?

Repeat, repeat, repeat

I say, who are you talking about though?

repeat repeat repeat

You flustered and exasperated

Me snickering at how silly the situation is.

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Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

zapper

Member

Registered: 2017-05-29

Posts: 856  

Re: The Joke Thread

A liar, a thief, a crazy psychopath, a nutjob and depraved person go into a bar and the bartender says, "mr former president, how can I help you?

xD

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Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 250  

Re: The Joke Thread

I enjoy going outdoors.

It's better than going out windows.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 250  

Re: The Joke Thread

Can February March?

I don't know, but April May...

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 250  

Re: The Joke Thread

Like many matters that are important in life, I have often philosophized over this...

Why are pants plural and referred to as a pair? Such as, a pair of pants. It's only one piece of clothing.
Is it because there are accommodations for two legs?

If so, why isn't shirt plural? Such as, a shirt. It's also one piece of clothing, yet there are accommodations for two arms.

For that matter, why are glasses plural? Glasses are one piece of equipment with accommodations for two eyes and two ears.

So, just to mess with someone's mind...the next time you're invited to the beach, say "GREAT! Let me put on a pair of t-shirts, my short, and my sunglass."

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 250  

Re: The Joke Thread

Yesterday, I was cleaning the floor with my son.

He said, "Dad, can't you use the mop?"

andyp67

Member

Registered: 2022-10-30

Posts: 228  

Re: The Joke Thread

Was on a plane coming back from Mykonos sat next to a one armed zombie flesh eating cannibal.
What happened to your arm I said.
Oh I booked the wrong holiday, self catering.

andyp67

Member

Registered: 2022-10-30

Posts: 228  

Re: The Joke Thread

Apparently if you spin a Windows install CD-ROM backwards you hear satanic messages.
Never mind that, if you spin it forwards you install Windows.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 250  

Re: The Joke Thread

I was talking to a guy in a bar the other day, and I asked him what field he worked in.

He said, "I'm not a farmer; I'm an accountant."

andyp67

Member

Registered: 2022-10-30

Posts: 228  

Re: The Joke Thread

I don't know if Bill Gates' TerraPower is for producing enough electricity for Windows updates or producing plutonium but it's not very funny, about as funny as dealing with existing atomic waste and Bill's worth.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 250  

Re: The Joke Thread

Prerequisite: I apologize if this offends anyone...but it is kinda funny...

If math is mathematical, and a quiz is quizzical, then what is a test?

greenjeans

Member

Registered: 2017-04-07

Posts: 506  

Website

Re: The Joke Thread

Prerequisite: I apologize if this offends anyone...but it is kinda funny...

If math is mathematical, and a quiz is quizzical, then what is a test?

Nothing if not putting up with these groaners of yours without rolling my eyes.

lol!

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golinux

Administrator

Registered: 2016-11-25

Posts: 3,153  

Re: The Joke Thread

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher has a very fertile imagination . . . 

(that's as close as I can get to a groaner)

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The-Amnesiac-Philosopher

Member

Registered: 2023-08-24

Posts: 250  

Re: The Joke Thread

I thought things when I read groan and fertile, but I won't say what I thought...

Bwahahahaha!