The Joke Thread

zapper · 2024-03-02 02:35:36

A person goes to sit on a toliet seat and hears a buzzing and the person shoos a fly, saying "piss off!"

quickfur · 2024-03-02 04:05:01

One toilet said to another, that last guy was awful!

The second replied, you look flushed!

quickfur · 2024-03-02 04:36:07

English is a weird language.

We drive on the parkway but park on the driveway.

Noses run but feet smell.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

quickfur · 2024-03-02 05:29:09

Seen on a chalkboard: Dear algebra, please stop asking us to find your x. She's not coming back, and don't ask y.

quickfur · 2024-03-02 06:05:55

A lithium ion battery was running low, and a helpful salt shaker helpfully plugged him to the wall socket. However, the police turned up and arrested them both.

Why?

A salt and battery charges.

GlennW · 2024-03-02 23:25:15

@quickfur: Nice one(s)! Love the algerbra...

quickfur · 2024-03-03 10:21:34

Don't drink and derive. Alcohol and algebra don't mix!

quickfur · 2024-03-03 10:22:47

The left eye said to the right eye: between us, something smells!

The right eye replied, yeah it really blows!

quickfur · 2024-03-05 13:51:13

If anyone wants a copy of Orthopedics Today, I have back issues.

quickfur · 2024-03-06 18:48:22

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "I'll have a rum ........

........ and a coke."

"What's with the big pause?" asks the bartender.

The bear shrugs.

"I was born with them."

quickfur · 2024-03-08 00:28:42

I have no Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh, because I'm Baroque.

quickfur · 2024-03-08 01:00:43

Husband: Make me a sandwich.
Wife: What? Make it yourself!
Husband: Sudo make me a sandwich.
Wife: OK.

zapper · 2024-03-09 22:39:32

@quickfur your last one was lame. But I have to admit, most of yours were pretty good in a decent punny way.

stargate-sg1-cheyenne-mtn · 2024-03-10 10:00:51

explain xkcd has some interesting tidbits:

ttps://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/149:_Sandwich

one such tidbit(near the bottom of the current webpage):

Alexbuzzbee (talk) 02:50, 23 August 2015 (UTC)
It also reminds me of the Star Trek: Voyager episode where Q tampered with the ship's replicators:
Janeway: "Coffee, black."
Replicator: "Make it yourself."
(But she didn't try "Sudo coffee, black.") - Mike Rosoft (talk) 18:14, 13 March 2016 (UTC)

Last edited by stargate-sg1-cheyenne-mtn (2024-03-10 10:01:40)

trinidad · 2024-03-11 12:57:14

A young man was seated next to a pretty young woman on an airplane. He was quite attracted to her and struck up a conversation with her. After a while he asked her what kind of man she was attracted to.

"In all honesty" she replied thoughtfully, "I'm really attracted to Native American men especially with long dark hair... and I also think Jewish men are very sexy espcially the intellectual ones, and I admit to having a weakness for the long haired redneck type especially the ones with a Texas accent... oh and by the way my name is Lucy.

The young man paused moment and then replied extending his hand to hers, "It's very mice to meet you Lucy. My name is Geronimo Steinberg, but my friends just call me Bubba.

TC

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-03-11 22:13:26

Q. How many Pastry Chefs does it take to make a pie?

A. 3.14

quickfur · 2024-03-12 01:41:36

The volume of a pizza of thickness a and radius z is given by the formula: pi·z·z·a

Last edited by quickfur (2024-03-12 01:43:10)

zapper · 2024-03-12 22:28:52

A donkey, a mob boss and a mad man all walk into a bar and the bartender says, former president what can I get for you?

Last edited by zapper (2024-03-12 22:29:02)

quickfur · 2024-03-12 22:50:41

The past, the present, and the future walk into the bar. It was tense.

Then the physicist walks into the bar, and it was tensor.

Finally the mathematician walks into the bar, and it was ten sets.

zapper · 2024-03-13 02:32:45

Why did bigfoot kill the farmers crops?

Because he was a sasquash!

zapper · 2024-03-13 02:35:04

A person goes to scottland and notices a huge jail with lots of water in the middle and asks someone why there is so much?

The person says, we need it to keep the monster happy, or it won't be locked up anymore. You know, the lock-ness

zapper · 2024-03-13 02:37:30

a bunch of tombs walk into a bar each carrying graphic novels and being covered in blood so the bartender says

So you guys once carried dead serial killers I take it...

quickfur · 2024-03-13 04:46:19

A blind man walked into a bar.

He didn't see it.

JWM-Kit · 2024-03-13 14:34:30

Q: Why did the old man let out a groan?
A: He was catching up on the Devuan forum joke thread.

quickfur · 2024-03-13 16:01:30

My son is starting to laugh at puns. He's all groan up now!

The officially official Devuan Forum!

#276 2024-03-02 02:35:36

Re: The Joke Thread

#277 2024-03-02 04:05:01

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#278 2024-03-02 04:36:07

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#279 2024-03-02 05:29:09

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#280 2024-03-02 06:05:55

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#281 2024-03-02 23:25:15

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#282 2024-03-03 10:21:34

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#283 2024-03-03 10:22:47

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#284 2024-03-05 13:51:13

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#285 2024-03-06 18:48:22

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#286 2024-03-08 00:28:42

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#287 2024-03-08 01:00:43

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#288 2024-03-09 22:39:32

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#289 2024-03-10 10:00:51

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#290 2024-03-11 12:57:14

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#291 2024-03-11 22:13:26

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#292 2024-03-12 01:41:36

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#293 2024-03-12 22:28:52

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#295 2024-03-13 02:32:45

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#296 2024-03-13 02:35:04

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