The Joke Thread

aluma · 2023-12-30 11:33:40

StartX?

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2023-12-30 11:59:49

What starts with S and ends in X...

aluma wrote:

StartX?

HAHAHAHA! Good one!

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2023-12-30 14:38:33

What starts with S and ends in X...

clemens3 (from the #devuan-offtopic IRC channel) said, "segx."

Hahahaha!

quickfur · 2024-01-03 17:09:36

Back in 2000, there was this joke:

It said to install Windows 2000 or better, so I installed Linux instead.

These days, we have:

It said to install Ubuntu 22.04.3 or better, so I installed Devuan instead.

Last edited by quickfur (2024-01-03 17:10:55)

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-01-03 20:50:51

Last week I was out for a drive, and my Navigation told me to turn around.

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to drive if I was turned around.

quickfur · 2024-01-03 21:40:45

English is a weird language. We drive on the parkway but park on the driveway!

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-01-03 23:48:29

Recently, I read that scientists got tired of watching the earth turn.

So...after 24 hours, they packed everything up and called it a day.

andyp67 · 2024-01-04 15:57:20

grub_startx

andyp67 · 2024-01-04 16:05:30

I know there's at least one Greek on this forum.
What do you call two independent observators stood side by side in Larissa.
A paratiritirio.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-01-04 19:35:26

Lately, I've been really struggling to get my wife's attention.

So, I grabbed a beer, turned on the TV, and laid down on the couch with a blanket over me.

That's all it took.

quickfur · 2024-01-04 23:07:08

Funny acronyms:

AMD = Awfully Mediocre Devices
IBM = I Blame Microsoft
INTEL = Only half of "intelligence".
MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
PENTIUM = Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
LINUX = Lousy Interface for Nefarious Unix Xenophobes.
MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs
WINDOWS = Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
EMACS = Extremely Massive And Cumbersome System
VI = Visual Irritation
GEEK = Gatherer of Extremely Enlightening Knowledge

And for you math geeks out there:

What's an anagram of "BANACH-TARSKI"? BANACH-TARSKI BANACH-TARSKI.

andyp67 · 2024-01-05 00:44:38

My great grandfather, born in about 1960, was a medical herbalist (doctors were expensive,) had 16 children, he was a medical herbalist and a coal merchant and a glass blower and he had two sayings, if people knew the value of an onion they would be a guinee(spelling,) each, and if I had a dog and I wanted it to die I would give it chips from a chip shop.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-01-05 13:01:13

I was late for work today. I told my boss that I was having computer problems.

He asked, "Hard drive?"

I said, "No, the commute was easy. It was my laptop."

zapper · 2024-01-06 02:19:08

Lots of groaners, but whenever I want one, I will come here for them.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-01-08 01:14:34

My friends and I put a new band together.

We called it "999 Megabytes".

We still haven't gotten a gig though...

zapper · 2024-01-08 03:02:53

@The-Amnesiac-Philospher Okay dude, that one is my favourite so far...

man... that one makes me smile.

I haven't felt such amusement since seeing the ending of A Night of Fright is No Delight.

Hint: The person leaves a will for his heirs, but even after death the heirs get trolled hard by that same will.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-01-08 16:39:14

@zapper

Scooby-Doo???

Hahaha...

I'm sorry everyone, but I love corny jokes.

Steven Wright and Mitch Hedberg were the best...

quickfur · 2024-01-08 17:00:07

And I love puns. Especially the groaners. So far, punishment has yet to arrive.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-01-08 19:48:52

I wrote a script, and I submitted it to a movie producer.

He said that he liked it but that I needed to write it again.

I said, "Why? Dude...just make a copy."

quickfur · 2024-01-08 19:59:58

I wrote a script and submitted it to a movie producer.

He liked it, but told me to rewrite it.

I asked, "Why?"

He said, "I'm in a dash, get rid of the bashisms."

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-01-08 20:33:43

HAHAhaha!

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-01-08 21:02:41

My wife left me yesterday.

She said that I was too addicted to football.

It broke my heart, because we were together for seven seasons.

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher · 2024-01-08 21:27:49

Recently, I was stopped for speeding.

The officer said, "Don't you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?"

I said, "Yes, but I wasn't going to be out that long."

zapper · 2024-01-08 23:32:48

@The_Amnesiac_Philosopher yep precisely.

He prepared a trollfest for his heirs for when he died.

Before the internet, that might as well have been considered trolling. xD

trinidad · 2024-01-08 23:40:45

An old man decided to go fishing.
On the edge of the pond a frog spoke to him from a lily pad, "Kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
The old man thought for minute then held out his hand.
The frog swam over and jumped up into his hand.
He looked at the frog a minute then stuffed it into his pocket.
The frog protested from his pocket, "C'mon old man. What's the matter? I thought you were going to kiss me?"
The old man replied, " I thought about it... but at my age I could use a talking frog a lot more than a princess."

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#176 2023-12-30 11:33:40

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#177 2023-12-30 11:59:49

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#178 2023-12-30 14:38:33

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#179 2024-01-03 17:09:36

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