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#176 2023-12-30 11:33:40

aluma
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Registered: 2022-10-26
Posts: 641  

Re: The Joke Thread

StartX? smile

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#177 2023-12-30 11:59:49

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
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Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

What starts with S and ends in X...

aluma wrote:

StartX? smile

HAHAHAHA! Good one! smile

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#178 2023-12-30 14:38:33

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

What starts with S and ends in X...

clemens3 (from the #devuan-offtopic IRC channel) said, "segx."

Hahahaha!

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#179 2024-01-03 17:09:36

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

Back in 2000, there was this joke:

It said to install Windows 2000 or better, so I installed Linux instead.

These days, we have:

It said to install Ubuntu 22.04.3 or better, so I installed Devuan instead.

tongue

Last edited by quickfur (2024-01-03 17:10:55)

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#180 2024-01-03 20:50:51

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

Last week I was out for a drive, and my Navigation told me to turn around.

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to drive if I was turned around.

tongue

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#181 2024-01-03 21:40:45

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

English is a weird language.  We drive on the parkway but park on the driveway! big_smile

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#182 2024-01-03 23:48:29

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

Recently, I read that scientists got tired of watching the earth turn.

So...after 24 hours, they packed everything up and called it a day.

tongue

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#183 2024-01-04 15:57:20

andyp67
Member
Registered: 2022-10-30
Posts: 228  

Re: The Joke Thread

grub_startx

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#184 2024-01-04 16:05:30

andyp67
Member
Registered: 2022-10-30
Posts: 228  

Re: The Joke Thread

I know there's at least one Greek on this forum.
What do you call two independent observators stood side by side in Larissa.
A paratiritirio.

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#185 2024-01-04 19:35:26

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

Lately, I've been really struggling to get my wife's attention.

So, I grabbed a beer, turned on the TV, and laid down on the couch with a blanket over me.

That's all it took.

tongue

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#186 2024-01-04 23:07:08

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

Funny acronyms:

AMD = Awfully Mediocre Devices
IBM = I Blame Microsoft
INTEL = Only half of "intelligence".
MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
PENTIUM = Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
LINUX = Lousy Interface for Nefarious Unix Xenophobes.
MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs
WINDOWS = Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
EMACS = Extremely Massive And Cumbersome System
VI = Visual Irritation
GEEK = Gatherer of Extremely Enlightening Knowledge

And for you math geeks out there:

What's an anagram of "BANACH-TARSKI"?  BANACH-TARSKI BANACH-TARSKI.

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#187 2024-01-05 00:44:38

andyp67
Member
Registered: 2022-10-30
Posts: 228  

Re: The Joke Thread

My great grandfather, born in about 1960, was a medical herbalist (doctors were expensive,) had 16 children, he was a medical herbalist and a coal merchant and a glass blower and he had two sayings, if people knew the value of an onion they would be a guinee(spelling,) each, and if I had a dog and I wanted it to die I would give it chips from a chip shop.

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#188 2024-01-05 13:01:13

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

I was late for work today. I told my boss that I was having computer problems.

He asked, "Hard drive?"

I said, "No, the commute was easy. It was my laptop."

tongue

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#189 2024-01-06 02:19:08

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 907  

Re: The Joke Thread

Lots of groaners, but whenever I want one, I will come here for them.

big_smile


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

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#190 2024-01-08 01:14:34

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

My friends and I put a new band together.

We called it "999 Megabytes".

We still haven't gotten a gig though...

tongue

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#191 2024-01-08 03:02:53

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 907  

Re: The Joke Thread

@The-Amnesiac-Philospher Okay dude, that one is my favourite so far...

man... that one makes me smile.

I haven't felt such amusement since seeing the ending of A Night of Fright is No Delight.

Hint:   The person leaves a will for his heirs, but even after death the heirs get trolled hard by that same will.

tongue


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

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#192 2024-01-08 16:39:14

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

@zapper

Scooby-Doo???

Hahaha...

I'm sorry everyone, but I love corny jokes.

Steven Wright and Mitch Hedberg were the best...

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#193 2024-01-08 17:00:07

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

And I love puns.  Especially the groaners.  So far, punishment has yet to arrive.

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#194 2024-01-08 19:48:52

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

I wrote a script, and I submitted it to a movie producer.

He said that he liked it but that I needed to write it again.

I said, "Why? Dude...just make a copy."

tongue

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#195 2024-01-08 19:59:58

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 310  

Re: The Joke Thread

I wrote a script and submitted it to a movie producer.

He liked it, but told me to rewrite it.

I asked, "Why?"

He said, "I'm in a dash, get rid of the bashisms."

big_smile

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#196 2024-01-08 20:33:43

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

HAHAhaha!

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#197 2024-01-08 21:02:41

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

My wife left me yesterday.

She said that I was too addicted to football.

It broke my heart, because we were together for seven seasons.

tongue

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#198 2024-01-08 21:27:49

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 311  

Re: The Joke Thread

Recently, I was stopped for speeding.

The officer said, "Don't you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?"

I said, "Yes, but I wasn't going to be out that long."

tongue

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#199 2024-01-08 23:32:48

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 907  

Re: The Joke Thread

@The_Amnesiac_Philosopher yep precisely.

big_smile

He prepared a trollfest for his heirs for when he died. tongue

Before the internet, that might as well have been considered trolling. xD


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

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#200 2024-01-08 23:40:45

trinidad
Member
From: Waterford WI
Registered: 2022-11-15
Posts: 20  
Website

Re: The Joke Thread

An old man decided to go fishing.
On the edge of the pond a frog spoke to him from a lily pad, "Kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
The old man thought for minute then held out his hand.
The frog swam over and jumped up into his hand.
He looked at the frog a minute then stuffed it into his pocket.
The frog protested from his pocket, "C'mon old man. What's the matter? I thought you were going to kiss me?"
The old man replied, " I thought about it... but at my age I could use a talking frog a lot more than a princess."

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