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#276 2024-03-02 02:35:36

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 895  

Re: The Joke Thread

A person goes to sit on a toliet seat and hears a buzzing and the person shoos a fly, saying "piss off!"


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
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#277 2024-03-02 04:05:01

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

One toilet said to another, that last guy was awful!

The second replied, you look flushed!

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#278 2024-03-02 04:36:07

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

English is a weird language.

We drive on the parkway but park on the driveway.

Noses run but feet smell.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

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#279 2024-03-02 05:29:09

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

Seen on a chalkboard: Dear algebra, please stop asking us to find your x. She's not coming back, and don't ask y.

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#280 2024-03-02 06:05:55

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

A lithium ion battery was running low, and a helpful salt shaker helpfully plugged him to the wall socket. However, the police turned up and arrested them both.

Why?

A salt and battery charges.

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#281 2024-03-02 23:25:15

GlennW
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From: Brisbane, Australia
Registered: 2019-07-18
Posts: 612  

Re: The Joke Thread

@quickfur: Nice one(s)! Love the algerbra...


pic from 1993, new guitar day.

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#282 2024-03-03 10:21:34

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

Don't drink and derive. Alcohol and algebra don't mix!

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#283 2024-03-03 10:22:47

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

The left eye said to the right eye: between us, something smells!

The right eye replied, yeah it really blows!

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#284 2024-03-05 13:51:13

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

If anyone wants a copy of Orthopedics Today, I have back issues.
big_smile

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#285 2024-03-06 18:48:22

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "I'll have a rum ........

........ and a coke."

"What's with the big pause?" asks the bartender.

The bear shrugs.

"I was born with them."

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#286 2024-03-08 00:28:42

quickfur
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Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

I have no Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh, because I'm Baroque.

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#287 2024-03-08 01:00:43

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

Husband: Make me a sandwich.
Wife: What? Make it yourself!
Husband: Sudo make me a sandwich.
Wife: OK.

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#288 2024-03-09 22:39:32

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 895  

Re: The Joke Thread

@quickfur your last one was lame. But I have to admit, most of yours were pretty good in a decent punny way. smile


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

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#289 2024-03-10 10:00:51

stargate-sg1-cheyenne-mtn
Member
Registered: 2023-11-27
Posts: 91  

Re: The Joke Thread

explain xkcd has some interesting tidbits:

ttps://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/149:_Sandwich

one such tidbit(near the bottom of the current webpage):

Alexbuzzbee (talk) 02:50, 23 August 2015 (UTC)

    It also reminds me of the Star Trek: Voyager episode where Q tampered with the ship's replicators:

        Janeway: "Coffee, black."
        Replicator: "Make it yourself."

(But she didn't try "Sudo coffee, black.") - Mike Rosoft (talk) 18:14, 13 March 2016 (UTC)

Last edited by stargate-sg1-cheyenne-mtn (2024-03-10 10:01:40)


Be Excellent to each other and Party On!
ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rph_1DODXDU
ttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_%26_Ted%27s_Excellent_Adventure
Do unto others as you would have them do instantaneously back to you

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#290 2024-03-11 12:57:14

trinidad
Member
From: Waterford WI
Registered: 2022-11-15
Posts: 20  
Website

Re: The Joke Thread

A young man was seated next to a pretty young woman on an airplane. He was quite attracted to her and struck up a conversation with her. After a while he asked her what kind of man she was attracted to.

"In all honesty" she replied thoughtfully, "I'm really attracted to Native American men especially with long dark hair... and I also think Jewish men are very sexy espcially the intellectual ones, and I admit to having a weakness for the long haired redneck type especially the ones with a Texas accent... oh and by the way my name is Lucy.

The young man paused moment and then replied extending his hand to hers, "It's very mice to meet you Lucy. My name is Geronimo Steinberg, but my friends just call me Bubba.

TC

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#291 2024-03-11 22:13:26

The-Amnesiac-Philosopher
Member
Registered: 2023-08-24
Posts: 309  

Re: The Joke Thread

Q. How many Pastry Chefs does it take to make a pie?

A. 3.14

tongue

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#292 2024-03-12 01:41:36

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

The volume of a pizza of thickness a and radius z is given by the formula: pi·z·z·a

Last edited by quickfur (2024-03-12 01:43:10)

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#293 2024-03-12 22:28:52

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 895  

Re: The Joke Thread

A donkey, a mob boss and a mad man all walk into a bar and the bartender says, former president what can I get for you?

tongue

Last edited by zapper (2024-03-12 22:29:02)


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

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#294 2024-03-12 22:50:41

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

The past, the present, and the future walk into the bar. It was tense.

Then the physicist walks into the bar, and it was tensor.

Finally the mathematician walks into the bar, and it was ten sets.

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#295 2024-03-13 02:32:45

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 895  

Re: The Joke Thread

Why did bigfoot kill the farmers crops?

Because he was a sasquash! tongue


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

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#296 2024-03-13 02:35:04

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 895  

Re: The Joke Thread

A person goes to scottland and notices a huge jail with lots of water in the middle and asks someone why there is so much?

The person says, we need it to keep the monster happy, or it won't be locked up anymore. You know, the lock-ness tongue


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

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#297 2024-03-13 02:37:30

zapper
Member
Registered: 2017-05-29
Posts: 895  

Re: The Joke Thread

a bunch of tombs walk into a bar each carrying graphic novels and being covered in blood so the bartender says

So you guys once carried dead serial killers I take it...

tongue


Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. Feelings are not facts
If you wish to be humbled, try to exalt yourself long term  If you wish to be exalted, try to humble yourself long term
Favourite operating systems: Hyperbola Devuan OpenBSD
Peace Be With us All!

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#298 2024-03-13 04:46:19

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

A blind man walked into a bar.

He didn't see it.

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#299 2024-03-13 14:34:30

JWM-Kit
Member
Registered: 2020-06-29
Posts: 118  
Website

Re: The Joke Thread

Q: Why did the old man let out a groan?
A: He was catching up on the Devuan forum joke thread.

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#300 2024-03-13 16:01:30

quickfur
Member
Registered: 2023-12-14
Posts: 296  

Re: The Joke Thread

My son is starting to laugh at puns.  He's all groan up now!

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