Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888.

Then, if someone asks for it, tell them it's 12345678.

What do you call a dinosaur with bad eyesight?

Doyouthinkitsaurus

Experts say that if you allow your pets to sleep in bed with you, it's calming and increases the bond between your pets and yourself.

So, I tried it.

My dog and cat did fine, but...my poor goldfish.

I have 3 unwritten rules that I live by...

1.
2.
3.

The word "incorrectly" is spelled incorrectly.

Does it bother me when people answer their own questions?

Yes, it does.

I remember when I could go into a grocery store with $3.00 in my pocket and leave with a loaf of bread, a carton of eggs, and a quart of milk.

Now, they have cameras everywhere.

I recently started playing Silent Tennis...

It's like regular Tennis without the racket.

Why is 10 + 10 equal to 11 + 11?

Because 10 + 10 = 20, and 11 + 11 = 22.

What did Sushi A ask Sushi B?

Wasabiiiiii?

Asbestos I understand, there's nothing to be concerned about...

Last week, I told my boss that if he wanted to keep me, I needed a raise because I had four other companies seeking me.

He said, "What are the companies?"

I said, "Water, Electrical, Gas, and Citi Bank.