I was recently called into my supervisor's office for poor job performance.

He said, "I don't know if you're just indifferent or apathetic!"

I said, "I'm not concerned, and I don't care."

It was a tough decision, but I had to get rid of Cinderella from our softball team.

She kept running away from the ball.

I came home from work yesterday, and my wife said, "Thank goodness you're home; the baby has been crying for hours! Can you take over?"

I said, "Okay, but I don't know if I can cry that long."

Recently, a Spanish magician came to our town.

He said that he could make a cow disappear.

Someone brought their cow, and the magician waved his wand and said, "Uno, dos ... "

...and the cow disappeared ...

...without a tres.

I once dated a twin.

People asked how I could tell them apart.

I said that it was easy.

The one that I dated was Michelle. She had the cutest dimples when she smiled.

I couldn't see Michael's dimples, because of his facial hair.

This morning, my girlfriend left a note on my door.

It said, 'This is no longer working for me. Goodbye."

I opened the door, closed it, locked it, and unlocked it.

It's working just fine for me.

Hahahaha!

Last week, my friend and I went to the local bar to play pool.

I was setting things up, and my friend asked, "Hey, you wanna break?"

I said, "Why? We're just getting started."

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to our house the other day.

He dumped a can of cat food on our rug and said that he'd eat what the vacuum didn't pick up.

I said, "I hope you're hungry. Our electricity has been out for hours."

I have no answer for that.

My wife said that she was tired of my obsession with optical illusions and insisted that I stop.

I said, "Wait. You're seeing this all wrong. It's not what you think it is."

I was sitting in traffic yesterday.

I guess that's why I was run over.