My computer ever says some **** like that to me, i'm gonna take it out back and shoot it.

If my computer says *anything* to me, or tries in any way to be "helpful", "conversational", or otherwise waste my time unless explicitly asked to do so, I'll rip out its operating system on the spot.

*Click*
*BANG*

On OP's other similar suggestions... The moment an "installer" starts to "probe the user" (noisily or otherwise, but especially if it's noisily) is the moment I throw that disk in the trash.
A computer is a tool, it should do exactly what the user tells it to do and nothing more. No "volunteering", no "helpful" interjections with unsolicited advice, suggestions, or options.

What is proposed here is essentially Clippy, but infinitely more annoying and integrated into the whole system. Just. No.

- (user init) Hi User. Happy birthday. How it feel to be 90? Your visual acuity must getting downhill

My computer ever says some **** like that to me, i'm gonna take it out back and shoot it.

So the same user could prefer processes that are sound|haptic|visual-pixel|visual-vector|text|tty|chemical centered.

The user init would then prioritize compatible shell (eg: sound shell) and compatible display servers (eg: haptic display server) and start other display servers only at the request of the user.

One user-init-system would tie all these processes. If visual-impaired user , or a tty oriented user decides to execute a pixel-oriented-visual process (mpv playing a video) (assuming there is that output device) on the display screen that could happen with a process with the same RUID.

A user could change the preferable user init IO type. So system could in next login ask password through a  sound device and land you to a sound enabled shell.

- (user init) Hi User. I see you have a printer. May i propose a 1960s retro unix session to remember how Ken and Dennis used the computer back then ?

- (user init) Hi User. Happy birthday. How it feel to be 90? Your visual acuity must getting downhill.. Would you prefer a sound session today with some 80s text adventures using your haptic display to feel the images?

- (user init) Hi User. Fancy playing pixel perfect games today? I could start a suitable display server to rock your visual sensors!

So a user session would be comprised of processes with different IO types . Each output device type would need it's server since many process could need access to them. A user-session it tied to the user that initiated it.  To be his/hers  s(he) must have control of life and death of it's processes.

Starting a session the  system should do testing  to establish good comm lines with the prefered - choosen IO types and establish fallbacks. Necessary precaution to ensure control of the whole process tree in case of errors or misbehaving apps that cant communicate effectively through preferred comm channels. User should be able to kill all his/her process from his/her prefered input type. In wost case user could start init in a handshake mode:

- (user init/handshake mode) Hi User. Seems you need help! Feel again with all your senses . I will engage all possible output / input channels. State your preferred ones.